Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Arrival

Being an exchange student was without a doubt one of the best experiences of my life so far. That's why coming home was so difficult.

It wasn't that I didn't want to come back. I did. But imagine leaving an entire world behind. A family (3 actually). Friends. A language. Your country. That's where I stood. That's where I stand.

Looking back on this last year has brought me perspective, especially on my behavior. I've been terrible when it comes to keeping in touch with people. Now, part of that is because I am not a respond-right-this-minute  kind of girl (...and then I forget), but the other part was because my heart broke every time I thought about my adventure. I missed it. So much. So much more than I could even comprehend. And as I so often do, I push painful things to the very deepest darkest corners of myself, because that is naturally the best way to deal with these things. However problems, as they so often do, don't enjoy the deep dark corners, and if they can't be front and center, you better believe they'll find a way to be seen.

Those issues, supposedly hidden away, worked extremely hard to tie me up in nostalgia. It made it very difficult for me not to wish for the past. To yearn for it, to think about it constantly. Therefore I had to not think about it (deep dark corners remember). And if you weren't aware it's extremely difficult to email someone when the very thought of them so overcomes you with longing that you have to lie down, or curl up in a ball.

But now I've let the problems have their stage. I've let the light shine through every inch of myself. I will always miss Switzerland. I will always be grateful for that time, for the incredible people I loved, and the lessons I learned. Now, though, I don't have to hide from the past any more. It's time to incorporate. To bring my experiences there to where I am now. It can't be all about the past, or all about the future for that matter. Sanity calls for a balance between all three tenses, past, present, and future. Finally, I think, I've arrived at that happy medium.

2 comments:

stacy said...

i love you!!! you have such a beatiful soul!!!

Hailey said...

Right back at you!!! Thanks Stacy :D