It sucks. It sucks. It so sucks.
For the first time in my life I understand why people fail or drop out of college for a quest to Europe to 'find themselves'... or to be bar tenders.
Before I thought that was bull.
Now, it's my life.
I am a perfectionist. I cannot be happy if I am not succeeding. I have to get As. Straight ones, with no minuses. & that's impossible. Or it feels that way anyway.
I just want to be.
I just want to be me. Be happy. Be content. Be able to achieve everything that I long to.
It's so unbelievably difficult.
To just be, anything.
I have simply an engine whose motor has died out. I keep turning the keys, & it rattles and turns, but never truly begins.
I need to be rebuilt. From the inside out, from the top down.
Which I am willing to do.
But I fear what will be sacrificed in the process of this project, myself. I am convinced a GPA not near 4.0 will ruin my life (it will), but I'm not sure if I can maintain it.