Friday, September 21, 2012

Here's the thing

College sucks.

It sucks. It sucks. It so sucks.

For the first time in my life I understand why people fail or drop out of college for a quest to Europe  to 'find themselves'... or to be bar tenders.

Before I thought that was bull.

Now, it's my life.

I am a perfectionist. I cannot be happy if I am not succeeding. I have to get As. Straight ones, with no minuses. & that's impossible. Or it feels that way anyway.

I just want to be.

I just want to be me. Be happy. Be content. Be able to achieve everything that I long to.

And yet.

It's so unbelievably difficult.

To just be, anything.

I have simply an engine whose motor has died out. I keep turning the keys, & it rattles and turns, but never truly begins.

I need to be rebuilt. From the inside out, from the top down.

Which I am willing to do.

But I fear what will be sacrificed in the process of this project, myself. I am convinced a GPA not near 4.0 will ruin my life (it will), but I'm not sure if I can maintain it.

College sucks. 

1 comment:

Julz said...

Oh sweet Hailey Girl! You are amazing! I am convinced that YOU are so much more than your GPA -- be it perfect or be it less so. You are getting a 4.0 in the things that REALLY matter, so chin up! Love you!