For the last year and a half my body, my mind, my soul have been slowly deteriorating.
Day after a day a little more Hailey went missing, until after a year I couldn't even recognize myself.
Month after month my journal entries read, "where is Hailey, where am I!?"
I couldn't find her. I couldn't find myself.
It has been so incredibly heart breaking- To spend your whole life being one person and then unintentionally changing into a person you do not care for and are ceaselessly disappointed by.
I have never felt so miserable or so tired or so beaten down in my life.
I have never felt so completely and utterly without hope as I have the last few months.
But finally, finally! A sun is rising over this endless dark night.
Clarity begins to cleanse my mind.
I know that hopelessness is a sham. It simply does not exist.
There is always hope.
That is the message, that is the life, that is the purpose of Christ.
That we can change, conquer death, find peace, live again. That we can be clean, happy, and free. That we can receive mercy.
Hope is the message of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
And I have never been more grateful for my Savior, my redeemer, and my friend than I am now.
It is he who lifts the burden of perfection from us. He who saves us from our sins. He who advocates with the father on our behalf.
He is everything.
And he is the means by which I will find myself again.
Slowly, surely, divinely.