Sunday, October 20, 2013

Disenchantment

I lived a wild adventure.

I saw the world through the eyes of a prudent, sixteen year old girl.
It made sense to me then.
& it was so beautiful.


But now.

With the experience of older age, with the jars full of dirt to testify to every piece of the earth I've stood on, with a nearly complete college degree...

I miss that girl.

I miss being 16 and having the world wide open.

I miss my feet being firmly planted on the ground, no matter which shoes I wore and in what country.

I miss being young and having what I didn't realize was a simple life.

I'm only 20 now, 4 months away from my 21st,
but I feel so much older than that adventurous 16 year old girl.

The bags under my eyes have grown and darkened.
And the world isn't a beautiful place to be seen, but the weight on my shoulders.

When you grow up,
things happen that change you.
 It's inevitable I suppose.

It's good
It's bad
It's nothing
and sometimes, It's absolutely everything.

The decisions get more difficult
and the consequences further reaching.
The lenses on your eyes change
and the tint is unfamiliar.

There is more pressure.

There is therapy and therapists
and anxiety and sadness.

and a future to prepare, that apparently balances exclusively and precariously on exactly what you do now. 

And there is love. Bigger and greater than everything else.

You have to grow up
The years pass with or without your permission.

But growing up
is a scary thing to do.

The world's a different place for an adult.
It's a little bit uglier.


2 comments:

Brittany Cox said...

This is perfect. And wonderful.

Hailey Cox said...

Thanks Beautiful!